I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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