there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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