He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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