the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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