the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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