I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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