I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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