I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize