Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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