I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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