I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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