After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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