cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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