I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize