I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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