Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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