sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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