i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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