i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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