All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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