this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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