Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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