Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm going to jail i love you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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