Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize