my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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