i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We are all done wearing pants today
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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