Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize