took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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