There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize