Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
