Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize