Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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