I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
