im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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