my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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