my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize