he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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