dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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