The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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