What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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