"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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