I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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