No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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