My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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