Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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