sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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