i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize