I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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