I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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