so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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