And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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